job description

Shhh, I got me this sweet deal goin’ on


Don’t tell anyone. I got a got a sweet deal with my bosses and I want to share it with just you.
Keep it to yourself.
These are in no particlular order. What have I left out?

  • See where I work nobody checks up on me.
  • I get paid over 60 grand a year and my job description hasn’t changed since I first began fifteen years ago.
  • Truth be told it probably hasn’t changed much in over one hundred years.
  • The material I teach hasn’t changed much in three hundred years. One of the sections I teach is called Modern Physics. This section is almost exactly one hundred years old.
  • My holidays cover over one third of the year. Fully paid.
  • I got job security for life. Nobody can touch me.
  • Over 90% of what I teach seems to serve no purpose whatsover, which is just as well because nobody remembers it after they leave school anyway. Has Hooke’s Law saved your life lately?
  • In theory I teach some of the most interesting subject matter that exists anywhere in this universe; in practice the writers of the Junior Science and Leaving Cert Physics syllabi couldn’t have done a more botched job if they deliberately set out to remove everything but the dry-as-dust ‘facts’ that we are left with.
  • I can take up to thirty days sick leave per year without needing to provide  a cert.
  • Promotion in my job is based on how long in the tooth I am; therefore those longest in the tooth are the highest paid.
  • I can close my door when I step into my classroom for the very first time and hardly anybody ever gets to look over my shoulder between then and the day I retire.
  • Once or twice over the course of my career an outside ‘inspector’ may get to call in to see how I’m getting on, but not unless I get a couple of weeks notice so I can prepare for his visit so that I give him the impression that those few highly prepared and highly artificial classes are the norm.
  • In a world which now cannot function without technology I too have moved with the times; where I once used chalk and a blackboard I now use (drumroll . . .) markers and a whiteboard.
  • In a world where I can be in touch with a colleague half a world away quicker than I can make contact with a colleague across the hall, there is no onus on me to do either.
  • I teach in a pretty well-to-do school where almost all students are interested in going to college, and where discipline issues mostly revolve around top buttons not being done up properly. I get paid the same as colleagues in schools where very few wish to learn and where discipline issues involve physical and verbal intimidation on a daily basis.
  • I got a sweet pension which is fully secure. I don’t really know anything else about it because, well, I guess I don’t need to.

You gotta promise me you’ll keep this secret; I don’t want the word getting out.